The 12 Deadly Outbreaks of Christmas

By Dr. Mathew Maavak

As the wretched year of 2023 makes way to a decidedly woeful 2024, we should brace ourselves for a variety of ‘pandemics’. Here is the preview!

Since this is the traditional season of festivity and merrymaking, I will present a montage of 12 “deadly diseases” — a la the 12 Days of Christmas — which our learned savants and media have been warning us of late.

We will start off with a ghoulish variant of Covid-19 called JN.1. According to the Daily Mail, this “explosive” new “Covid variant is taking off in Britain amid fears of impending wave which will cause carnage in NHS hospitals already juggling winter woes of norovirus, flu and ‘100-day cough’” (sic). That was quite a mouthful headline from the Mail.

Now, the NHS has been facing an impending “carnage” for as long as I can remember but this has never prevented its hospital staff from performing periodic dance routines, perhaps as a macabre ode to death. The UK’s latest viral witches brew include the whooping cough, “winter vomiting bug norovirus”, and the respiratory syncytial virus (RSV). According to Dr Gayatri Amirthalingam, a consultant epidemiologist at the UKHSA, “it’s vital pregnant women ensure they get vaccinated to protect their baby.” I find it a tad ironic that in Sanskrit, “Amirthalingam” can be translated as “immortal phallus”. It is almost as if the NHS needs to shaft all pregnant mothers and babies under its care.

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