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I was raised a devout Christian. I was baptized into my religion, left my religion, came back to my religion and left it again. Now it was the summer of 1979. I was alone. A good friend had stopped by. We had gotten high on wine and laced herb. She left. I began to reflect upon my life. Love was what I was seeking. Divine Love.
I needed to know I was loved by God. As I concentrated with a prayerful longing and focus, something extraordinary happened. What I know now is that my pineal gland became activated.
The top of my head seemed like it had been split open, and warm liquid light cascaded like a river through the crevice. It connected to my third eye, and enveloped my whole form. It was intense. It felt like love. I thought it was the Holy Spirit.
As I began to communicate with this energy I could “see” the answers converging on my questions, even as the questions were being formed, at breathtaking speed with laser-like effect. It was too much for me. I cried. Okay. I sobbed. The energy abated after a couple hours, but an intense feeling of clarity remained. It wholly changed my perception of my life up to that point. Gone was a huge chunk of Christian guilt and, even more amazingly, gone (for good) was any fear of Armageddon or nuclear holocaust, a dread that used to unnerve the be-jesus out of me!
A side bonus of this spiritual outpouring was that one day I decided I wanted to sing before the throne of God and his angels. I actually felt I could make this happen. Again I was alone. It was a Sunday. I began to sing with gratitude, love and clarity. I closed my eyes and imagined myself there. Suddenly I felt my consciousness begin to move up through the top of my head. I knew instinctively I was leaving my body. So what did I do? I cried. (Sigh. I was a big baby back then!) I was surprised and shocked at what was happening, although it also felt natural and rather obvious. The tears brought me back into my body. Apparently tears are NOT allowed in heaven! At least not mine! After that I felt anything I wanted to ask of heaven would be granted. What should I ask, what should I do? What I did eventually ask for was that the feeling of clarity be muted, until I knew how to live with it. I watched it fade away.
I could say that was THE pivotal experience of my awakening, but as the years progressed there were others. Some were wonderful and comforting, and some not so much. In a moment of extreme loneliness, I have felt a ball of love in my solar plexus that grew until it completely enveloped my consciousness. With that feeling I knew that one’s own love was all the love one truly needed for fulfillment.
Another day I felt encapsulated by the peace “that passes all understanding.” It just dropped around me. It felt unbelievably, well, peaceful! Absolute serenity. But I have also “fought” with the “devil”, thrown punches at what I perceived to be the force standing between my personal self and my Divine heritage. Somehow during that battle I was thrown to the floor, momentarily blacked out and woke up aching all over in my etheric body. And more than enough times I watched my personality disappear (in my mind, obviously), only to reappear but no longer “mine” as previously perceived. Erghh.
Those latter experiences were definitely not comfortable! Many of my friends were concerned about me during that period of my life. Looking back, I believe that the body-mind computer had to be reprogrammed, so that the True Self – Infinite Love could be here. I came to know that All is One, and One is All, in the most practical of terms. I began to read more. I studied Theosophy, read Elizabeth Clare Prophet, learned about reincarnation, I learned about the Higher Self, chakras, ascended masters, and the Lord of the World. I began to think my knowledge was damn well complete.
It was not. I had been reprogrammed within, now it was time for the matrix. I remember first coming across David Icke on cable television. That was before “they” got wise and changed that cable station to one that aired mystery show reruns. One day at a new age expo, I bought a double DVD set of David speaking in Vancouver in 1996. My mind was officially blown. The outer world began to take shape in a new way. It was intriguing. It was frightening. It almost defied belief. How could all this be – have been going on all this time? Somehow it made sense though.
It didn’t take long for my mind to assimilate the new knowledge. I began my own research so that I might learn more. Virtually all of our perceptions had been affected; our perspectives on religion, history, and creation itself had all been tampered with. And shape shifting beings? What?!? Funny that, because I had always been a bit of a monarchist. I somehow foolishly believed the pomp and circumstance of royalty to be a positive thing! Ha! I began to see clearly what bloodlines meant and why. Pieces fell into place.
I pretty much read everything David wrote. And there were other books that also helped to further open up my mind to hidden truths, most notably Behold a Pale Horse by William Cooper and Blue Blood, True Blood by Stewart Swerdlow. And Barbara Marciniak’s books were also very informative. I should mention here that the events of September 11, 2001, caused me to travel across country to Roswell and Sedona in an effort to be closer to energy fields that might enlighten and enhance my ability to absorb information. Later on I was introduced to the works of Jordan Maxwell, Steven Greer, Aaron Russo, Al Bielek, and numerous others. It was on. A bona fide researcher had been born.
As 2012 rolls inevitably on, towards what we don’t really know (or do we?), I continue my research. As a matter of fact, in order to inform myself and others I created an Internet radio show (with assistance, I should add), where I could interview and speak with writers and researchers on the paranormal, ufology, ancient archeology, cryptozoology, conspiracies, the secret space program, hidden sciences and cures, etc. It is called The Bright Side, www.blogtalkradio.com/brightside1.
I have been fortunate to have interviewed Jordan Maxwell, Stanton Friedman, Michael Cremo, Nick Redfern, Richard Sauder, Jo Ann Richards, Richard Dolan, Giorgio Tsoukalous, Wayne Herschel, Bill Birnes and others. We have covered abductions, parallel universes, symbols, near death experiences, the afterlife, Tesla, ghost hunting, 9-11, underground bases, alternative cancer treatments, and the list goes on.
It has been an enlightening journey. As Jordan Maxwell (one of my most favorite guests) says, “Nothing is as it appears to be. Nothing.”
But I feel that I am waiting still, waiting on the world to change, waiting on myself to change. Again. What was that initial experience in 1979 all about? Where is that feeling of all encompassing love and clarity that had been too much for me to handle? Was I a fool to ask it to go? I’d like a do-over, please heaven, if you would. Yeah. A do-over. I’ll deal with it this time. I’ll work it out! Promise! Now I know – I Am All.
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