Ode to Traffic Cops

art source

Milo Nickels

The other day I was driving home, just minding my own business, when I passed by a cop sitting on the side of the road, running radar.  I had that natural, automatic reaction, where I glanced down anxiously at my speedometer to make sure I wasn’t accidentally going a little faster than I intended.   The cop pulled out behind me.  
As I watched him in my rear view mirror, I became a little more anxious.  Is he running my plate?  Was my inspection sticker the wrong color?  Could he tell I wasn’t wearing my seat belt?  Was my plate lamp out?  Did I do something wrong?  Fortunately, he only followed me a few blocks before he turned onto another street without pulling me over.

Once my anxiety subsided, and I realized that I had safely gotten away with driving past a cop, I immediately became angry that I had to feel anxious in the first place.  It makes me sick that the people who are supposed to be protecting and serving us, funded by our tax money, are lining themselves up along roadsides to extract more money from us.  Police couldn’t care less about biting the hand that feeds them — it’s not like we can refuse to pay them because we don’t like how they operate.  They’ve become cash registers with badges (and guns) — a puzzling combination of mafia henchmen, vampires, boy scouts, and the fat kid in high school who thought he was cool because he played football.

Anyhow. . . when I got home that night I was still thinking about it, and continued to do so as I was falling asleep.  Then it hit me: I’ll write a poem about it!  Enjoy, this rare masterpiece!!!  (Just to be extra-sarcastic I’m going to format it to look really special — like a real poem)

Ode to traffic cops
by Milo Nickels

Cop with a radar gun
hidden from view
not hunting for bad guys,
but gunning for you.

They demand your licenses,
and your registrations.
They aren’t there to protect,
but to serve you citations.

They won’t come if you’re robbed;
They’ve stopped fighting crime.
But, if your headlight is out,
you’ll get stopped every time.

There once was a time
when police were respected,
when they defended our rights,
and we felt protected.

But, how do you feel now,
when you drive past a cop?
do you feel safe and sound,
or fear you’ll be stopped?

Investigator, officer,
detective, inspector.
You’re no longer a hero,
but a levy collector.

You ignore the constitution
and the oath that you swore.
The state is a pimp,
and you are its whore.


Milo Nickels began blogging and cartooning about politics in the year 2000.  After achieving some notoriety at that time, Milo took a break.  Now, Milo has launched a new website, Five Cent Revolution where he continues to write about political issues.  In particular, Milo focuses on constitutionalism, critiques of modern liberalism and progressivism, and defends individual liberty above all else.  Milo wants the government out of our wallets, out of our business, and out of our lives to the greatest extent possible.   

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